written/non-written things by me (from 2005-2008)

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Its feels kinda hip to be rejected...

...at least by McSweeney's.

RE: California City Police Log: List
Hi Hannah,

Thanks for the chance to read your lists submission. We're going to have to pass this time, but we look forward to reading your future work.


On Sun, 18 Jun 2006 22:18:07 -0700, hannah pierce-carlson
> A List of Real-Life, Totally Not-Made Up, offenses reported, verbatim,
> from one weeks worth of the "California City Police Department Daily
> Police Report"
> Read to the tune of Bad Boyz (Watcha Gonna Do) from the TV series COPS!,
> delivered via streaming audio on the CCPD website

A neighbor dispute over a floodlight flashing in yard disturbing the dog. Contact made.A snake in the garage. Contact made. Snake in custody and released.Juveniles throwing rocks at a street light. Contact made. Subjects in custody.A sick dog.Stopped a suspicious pedestrian. Vandalism to picnic tables at the pavillion. Report taken. Cows running on the open range. A flat bed truck with a container about to fall off truck. Contact made, container secured.A sheep wounded from a dog attack or subjects shooting at objects. Area searched. Picked up a deceased bird. A subject carrying a cane, knocking on doors in the area. Unable to locate.A snake still in the kitchen. Cows in the roadway. Contact made, cows in the creek. Checked on a dog at location. Warned and advised on dog grooming Vandalism to the Outlet Store, the Professional Building, and Pizza Factory. Report taken.Cat trap dropped off for lizard.Requested an officer to keep the peace while subject leaves residence. Contact made. Peace kept. Juveniles with fighting pitbulls. Gone on arrival. Area checked. Unable to locate. A possible hit and run accident to fire hydrant. 2 subjects yelling at each other. Gone on arrival. Unable to locate. Wife attempted to run over the husband with a vehicle. Contact made.Stopped a pedestrian. Subject in custody and arrested.A reckless driver weaving in and out of traffic and off and on the road. A red scooter driving slow on road. Gone on arrival. Unable to locate. An abandoned ATV in the bushes.

(Note: This was originally in a list format)
This was something I spent five minutes to put together and subsequently email to McSweeney's, and then promptly forgot about. It was gleaned and inspired from the California City Police Log as was posted about on David's Blog. I like that I pre-faced the list with an enthusiastic air of incredulity, as if no one would believe that "Cows running on an open range" would be an actual police report. Truth is, McSweeney's Lists are replete with wacky Security and Police Logs, (umm...I like to believe that's way they passed on mine, but..) They typically contain strange occurances, like rambling lunatics etc. But that's just too obvious. I thought my list was unique because it was the opposite of wacky. Apart from its dullness, each uneventful entry ended anti-climatically, as if watching the sinking dissapointed expression of the bored cop that responded to the scene expecting something, anything, to have happened, but, alas... I will keep sending in stuff I "wrote" in five minutes until I get a nibble. Maybe next time I might actually "write" write something. Anyways, it makes me feel neat, like a Writer or something, to have a rejection email. I've sent in stuff to other journals only to have no response at all. I especially like the bit about my "future work." Whoo-pee. Well at least I do have this one publication under my belt.

My name is Hannah Pierce-Carlson